A Different Kind of Southern Girl: Infertility

It's done. We went to the Dr. on Saturday morning for the embryo transfer! Of course it did not go smoothly, which I expected from the trial of transfer. There was some trouble getting to my uterus so it took longer than normal. They had to basically put a needle and thread through my cervix and lift my cervix by pulling on the thread which was hanging out of my body...so weird! After some pain from both the procedure and my FULL BLADDER, it was done...there were officially 2 embryos in my body. I even got a picture of them...one of which is already hatching :-) And, to my absolute utter surprise....we have 2 embryos that we can freeze!!! This is a very big deal....only 20% of patients have any left to freeze!

I have spent the last 2 days laying around sleeping and watching tv while Joe has been cooking, cleaning and shopping...what a deal :-) He brought me home a treat of Cheetos's, 100 cal. cakes and scratch off's...so sweet! Unfortunately, I am supposed to be eating low carb/high protein so I can only have a few treats!

Thank you to my friends and family for their calls, emails, comments and visits!

Joe and I before we left for the transfer

Me and the miracle workers... Dr. Roach and Jana

Joe with Jana...one of the sweetest, most comforting women I have ever met

The results :-)

Me relaxing with a little love from my nieces and nephews

Friday, October 31, 2008

The Day is Near

Well...tomorrow is my embryo transfer...at 9:30 am. I just got a cold, worst timing possible. My head hurts, I can't breath, I am terrified, mystified and excited. It's actually happening...I made it through all the shots, patches, pills, failed IUI's, etc. and now have 5 eggs sitting in an office 30 minutes from my house, waiting to be transferred into my body. I have not full on sobbed because of infertility in a long time but the other day I lost my shit at the thought of having babies forming in a lab. It's the closest I have ever been to having a baby....I have no idea if an egg has ever fertilized my body! So, it hit me like a ton of bricks....I kinda have a baby...not really...well, kinda.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Update

The Dr. called today and said that 9 eggs had been retrieved...8 of them were mature and 6 of them fertilized. She says that is good.....I hope so! I just need 2 to make it to Saturday!! I am a bundled of confusion and nerves...not to mention I am bloated like I am carrying triplets and the glucofage and slew of other meds are doing a number on my intestines...good times! One highlight...the Progesterone in Oil shots, which are administered in the ass with a large needle, do not hurt!

Monday, October 27, 2008

I have laid my eggs

Today was my egg retrieval. I was a little nervous last night, but the prescribed valium helped calm my nerves. I awoke at 6 am (this never happens), threw on some sweats, grabbed the muffins that I bought for the office that would be sticking a needle into my crotch and headed to the Dr. with Joe by my side.

I love everyone at the office and the anesthesiologist was just as warm and comforting. After a few pokes with the IV needle (damn my veins), I started to feel loopy and next thing I knew I was awake and everything was done! 10 eggs were retrieved, which is apparently above average, and now I wait for the update on their progress tomorrow. The scheduled transfer is Saturday the 1st.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Damn, it's been awhile

Wow, I had writers block for about a month....that was weird. Every time I sat down to blog I couldn't come up with anything worth writing about. I have definitely had an event filled hiatus, so you would think I could have come up with something! I know a few people who follow my blog (thanks mom and Jill...heehee) and I am sorry to them for taking away some of their daily reading...other than that, I don't know if anyone really reads my posts...so, it was easy to slack off. On that note...thank you to the anonymous writer who asked about my fertility progress!

Fertility shots will begin again on Friday...it's been 2 months since the failed IVF/IUI attempt and I didn't do ANYTHING I said I was going to do in that time. No acupuncture, no exercise, no diet...I suck!!! I think it was a relief to not have treatments on my mind so I just chilled out and enjoyed myself...whoops. This round of meds will be different in hopes of them actually working this time...in hopes of having more than 1 mature egg. The weird thing about all the timing is that 6 years ago on Halloween was when I was first disappointed with no pregnancy. I remember I thought for sure the first time we tried I would get pregnant, I was so excited about the holidays and possibly being a mom and then I started my period on Halloween!!! I cried.....if only I had known not to waste those tears, there would be many more to come. So, it looks like the egg retrieval will be a week before Halloween...weird.

Since I am all about pictures, I will post a few (alot) highlighting my life since the last post.

Aunt Mary and Uncle Ross visit...I LOVE them!

My hilarious friend Melissa came to visit!!

Trying out a new restaurant with friends

Saw Tom Petty concert...it was AMAZING...best concert I think I have ever seen!!!!

Housewarming Party at Danny's where I got the cutest kiss ever...you're so cute Peyton!!

Joe and cutie Olivia...Joe's so hot!

I had a few drinks :-)

Went swimming at Karen and Jim's on Labor day

Made it through hurricane Ike...this was the sky as it rolled in

Fell in love with this baby at the hurricane party

Hurricanes make people act silly

Joe did the worm

The next day

Spent lots of time with family at our house...we were the first to get our power back :-)

Celebrated my bro's bday

Celebrated my niece's 2nd bday!

Celebrated Karen's bday....lot's of bday's!!

Watched Alabama win their 6th game in a row...ROLL TIDE!!!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Blah

It's official, I am one pissed off woman. So, I take the test on Sat. a.m. and get a negative result. I go all weekend without starting my period and guess what....I began to have hope again...Damn you stupid girl!!!! I should have known better! I called the Dr. and they informed me that I probably would not start my period until I quit taking the hormones they had me on....wish I knew that all weekend!!! So, I stopped them today and I have started spotting....what a bitch this all is!

On top of that I had my niece and nephew sleep over last night which means I got to have a little taste of having a family for about a day. As I grilled hot dogs and they played with Uncle Joe I thought....maybe...could I be....I want this...family....little kid hugs....curious questions....night time back rubs....pictures for them to look back at warmly.....WAKE UP AMY!!!!!

So, thank God I took a week of vacation this week...anticipating absolute elation or oh so familiar let down. I took the kids to Target, had some Icee's, dropped them off with their mom and headed to Barnes and Noble where I spent an hour perusing the infertility/motherhood section. I walked out with 3 books...I hope they get me pregnant...haha! Actually I hope they give me more insight, more answers, more comfort...whatever.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Negative

Well, I have been let down for the 70th time. That's right, since October 2002 I have been reminded every month that I am not pregnant. However, after a fertility procedure it is particularly difficult...this is why I put off IVF for so long. It's much easier to handle not being pregnant when you have not put all your hopes into medical intervention.

I wonder what it's like to see a positive pregnancy test. And, why must my eyes (or my heart) always play tricks on me....I swear I see a positive sign in the window, but after staring at it for 5 minutes it's just one flat line. I prepared myself...I was ready for the let down. But that didn't keep me from laying in bed all night thinking about what if's...how I would tell people, what baby things I wanted to buy, when my due date would be. I better start my period today or I am going to be one pissed off woman. If I have to wait a few more days there will be that glimmer of hope....the universe setting you up for a second round of disappointment...I've been there before. This Sucks!

Last time we spoke, the Dr. said she wanted me to take a month off to give my body a break, start the Birth Control Pill next month and then the injections and IVF in October.....I can't believe I have to wait 3 more months.

I am going back to bed now....I feel sick.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

3 more days

I am supposed to take a home prego test on Saturday...I really want to do it tomorrow but I won't...yes I will...no I won't...aahhhh!!! This sucks! After 2 failed IUI's I am firmly convinced that this one did not work. However, I am still wondering if every little thing is a positive sign and it's making me insane. I have felt my boobs more in the last week than one woman should. They are sore...but isn't that a sign of my period coming OR pregnancy? What a funny little twist...most symptoms could be either.

I woke up this morning with a really upset stomach...my husband pats my belly and says "It's morning sickness!"...so sweet and possibly so wrong! I suspect the upset was the taco's with onion....maybe I'm wrong. But, a girl knows these things...how her body works, what it feels like before your period comes and I just have that feeling. Please Saturday...hurry!!! I am tired up being terrified of what I might see everytime I go to the bathroom...that's it, I am taking the test tomorrow....no I'm not...damn it!!!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Well That Just Sucks!!!!

I found out today that we will not be able to do IVF (in vitro). I went to the Dr. today to see how everything was progressing...the medicine worked and I had about 5 follicles on one side and about 2 on the other BUT there was one follicle with a VERY mature egg that is about ready to be fertilized. The other eggs are a few days behind. If the one mature egg was not there we could let the others mature a little longer and go ahead with the plan but because of the one that is ready to roll we have changed the plan to IUI (intrauterine insemination-artificial insemination). As I sat fighting back tears, the Dr. explained that everything worked the way it should naturally in my body but that the medicine should have 1) produced alot of eggs that matured at the same time and 2) kept me from ovulating too soon...well, it is too soon, that is why we will be doing the IUI on Saturday morning....about 7 days sooner than the projected IVF date.

I am a ball of emotion. I can't believe I have gone through all of this and now we will be doing a procedure that I have already had done twice!!! I lost it with the nurse (crying)...I tried to whisper my feelings so I wouldn't cry but that did not work. How am I supposed to feel positive about this when we have not gotten pregnant in 6 years with 2 IUI's. The Dr. and nurse said that because I was on all of the medicine that my chances are better than when I did the 2 previous IUI's with Clomid only....we'll see! THIS SUCKS!!!!

So, if this does not work, we will start another round of IVF meds, stronger this time, and do the transfer sometime in September. This is all very difficult for a girl who wants immediate gratification with everything. I hate waiting games, I mark everyday on a calendar and count the remaining days. I am so disappointed!

I hope and pray that the IUI works. The Dr. said that considering there are no known problems with either of us that there is no reason it shouldn't work. I reminded her of our previous tries and she said "that's the joy of unknown infertility...there is just no answer".

Wish us luck!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Nerves

Okay, now I am starting to get a little nervous. It's weird....I have been unusually calm. My nature is to dwell, Google everything, think worst case scenario, lay in bed all night thinking...well, you get the point. I have actually been going with the flow. Is it because I have been dealing with this for almost 6 years now?

I have been reading alot on infertilty blogs and have stared at alot of them with a furrowed brow of confusion. These girls use abbreviations, numbers and lingo that I am totally clueless to. Should I know more about what's going on? I know what medicine I am supposed to take, when to get a shot and when to go to the Dr. Am I not consuming myself with every bit of knowledge because I am scared or just too lazy to figure it out? Maybe if I know every detail it will be too real and the thought of disappointment will be more difficult...does that make sense? It's getting more real each day, though...having a needle stuck in me 4 times a day kinda helps with the reality of the situation.

I am so scared this isn't going to work. Because our diagnosis is unknown infertility we have never been given anything to go with...no way to say 'here's the problem, this is what we can do'. What the hell is going on inside of me? Are the sperm not getting to the egg, are they getting there and can't penetrate, do they get in and the egg doesn't make it's way? God, please let this work!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Our Infertilty Get Away!

Ah! We just got back from 5 days in Biloxi....we had a great time! Although we did not walk away big winners...we did walk away even, after 5 days of gambling! We stayed at the Beau Rivage, which was hit by Katrina and closed for a year for repairs...but most people would not know that since apparently only New Orleans deserved media coverage of the disaster!!!!! Needless to say, most residents of the Mississippi Gulf Coast feel slighted...that area was destroyed! Old antebellum homes, historic sights, casinos, the beaches, piers...everything was destroyed or damaged.

The hotel is beautiful! The beach...not so much. There are barrier islands off of the coast which leave the water looking a little murky, like our lovely Galveston beaches. If we had driven about and hour further it would have been completely different in the Alabama Gulf Shores. But, I still got to walk in sand and smell the ocean. We had a view of the pool and ocean and luckily only one storm blew in on our first day....the rest of the trip was sunny and gorgeous. You would think it would be as hot as Houston but it wasn't. The days were hot but not humid and the nights were very comfortable.

The food was AMAZING at Beau Rivage. Seriously, everything we ate was wonderful. Luckily, due to our constant gambling, we were given alot of comp cards for free meals. There was a buffet that was packed full of homemade Southern food, crab legs, pasta station, homemade desserts.....it was so good. Needless to say, the low carb diet did not exist. I couldn't control myself....I would sit down at the table after a trip to the buffet and everything on my plate was a carb. I gained 5 pounds :-( I also had a bit of a reaction to the 3 pills of Glucofage/Metformin that I have to take every night. High carbs and Metformin do not go together. Let's just say it's hard to have a romantic vacation when your body is full of gas 24/7...it SUCKED! Thank God I have no shame and Joe and I hide nothing from each other!

The shots went smoothly...Joe gave them to me every morning, bless his heart. Other than some headaches, all was well with the Lupron. Oddly though, I look very tired and puffy in all of the pictures...I don't know if the meds have anything to do with that. I know one side effect is lack of energy.....but seriously, I look like I have haven't slept in days or like I had been crying for 3 days. So, I am not very fond of the photos but what can ya do! I'm sure the daiquiri's and ice cream didn't help.

One side note on the trip: I met a 71 year old man in the pool. He was at the resort with his MISTRESS!!! He has money, likes to travel, his wife doesn't like to go anywhere, so he has a few girlfriends. I couldn't believe it! And I couldn't help but like him. I have a thing for old people, especially old men and he was so sweet and cute!! I just wish he wasn't a player :-)

So, we are back home. I had a Dr.'s appt. this a.m. I have to up my dose of Lupron to 2 shots a day and start adding 2 more shots of another med and some patches...sounds like next week is going to be a joy!